Heavenly Ring
A ring, floats so heavenly through the air
Falls into darkness, plunges to sin.
Perfect, spherical, its shape forebears,
An omen of circles and life it transmits
Circles in circles, round within round,
Its form tells a tale of life and then death
Or is it from death that life has abound?
From a baby’s first cry, to it’s final breath.
Light as a feather, dense as a weight,
This shape has caught your hungry mind.
It is in this, that you cast your hate,
But at the same time, you love it divine.
What is this circle? I’ll have you know,
It is nothing more than a ring made of dough.
11 comments:
wow this poem is much better than the last one! haha.
Overall nice poem. Your point is easy to see. I like the part about the circles being a tale of life then death or is it from death that lif eis abound. I also like the line "From the babies first cry, to it’s final breath." It is a really intersting way to look at the idea of a circle.
One thing, i dont really understand the dough thing at the end. May want to make that a bit more clearer.
I'm not so sure why you described life and death as a circle, but I liked how I could visualize these circles and the lines "It is in this, that you cast your hate,
But at the same time, you love it divine" is really lovely, that's my favorite part.
Yeah, I agree with Ashley, I don't understand the dough part and it seems like a confusing way to end the sonnet.
It's supposed to be a "dough"nut? Seems to me as though you're describing a... Krispy Kreme doughnut. Haha. I don't know if you want to make all your lines 10 syllables but they're not all the same. This was WAY better than the other one...
hey man. nice job on making a new poem. you can really visualize it well with the circle of life and everthing. it also had a nice ending when you end it with the dough. lol for your paper you might want to go deeper into how maybe the circle of dough relates to life and death. but great job on the poem
This poem seems really deep, and I think you can write alot on this topic. However, I was confused at the end when you start talking about "dough" i remember your poem for valentines day where you made it look like you were describing a girl but really it was your house, so maybe this was the same idea? i really don't know.
Overall, that would be the only thing I think you should clear up, because otherwise, the word choices are excellent.
i understood your poem pretty well up until the last line. I dont get it...is it supposed to be a doughnut or what? Maybe make that clearer in the end, and write more lines about it.
sorry everyone, its a doughnut il make that part more clear thanks everyone
woooooah this sonnet is awesome! i really like it. My only real problem with it though (which is, to say the least, quite minor) is that in this line does not make sense:
"Falls, and settles by many alike it."
The word "alike" may be two syllables, but it just doesnt work.
And what is this dough?
Hahahaha! this poem made me think of something super, like, holy until i realized you meant a donut! Great poem, i really think life in general is liek a circle, so you used a really good analogy.
What is this?! I wrote my sonnet about a doughnut too. Anyways, your sonnet is fantastic (both definitions: as in "good", and as in "marked by extravagant fantasy or extreme individuality"). I like how you build up the image of the mysterious "ring". In the beginning, your poem sounds like an ancient inscription about the Ring of Power or something magical like that. Then, it turns into a revelation of the circle of life, of the impermanence of life and yet the perpetual-ness. You could say it is a discussion into the true nature of life and death. The identity of the "ring" is artfully hinted to in "hungry mind" and is finally revealed with a quirky finish. By structuring your sonnet like a riddle with the answer in the twist at the end of the couplet, the reader is captivated at the very beginning and surprised at the end. In line 3, using perfect with spherical makes sense and adds allusion to the old notion that spheres are perfect (ask the Greeks), but rings are simply not spherical, so there's a slight problem. Also, "its shape forebear" needs to be conjugated to "its shape forebears" or "its shapes forebear", so there's another issue. You used "shape" three times, so find a synonym ("form"?). Line 8 has grammar mistakes. Try "From the babies' first cries to their final breaths" or "From a baby's first cry to its final breath". Lastly, is there a reason why you chose to say “I’ll have you know” instead of “I’ll let you know”? Overall, your sonnet is of the most remarkable type, and very funny at the end.
Beautiufl sonnet! lots of the lion king "circle of life" business. I liked that your point wasn't completely tangible and you used excellent imagery great job!
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